am i alone?

[booboo]

ps, due to refluxy dd, I regularly go round with strings of vomit over me!, lol!

[sewwies]

Abuse, especially by those so close to you is just devastating, I'm so sorry to hear that you've suffered that kind of nastiness.

I think mothers do have a massive effect on daughters, my mum died when I was 14 but she always reminded me of my good features, and was confident in herself in so many ways, or at least thats how it appeared to me, and she always wore makeup! The things she used to say have stuck with me, I remember them more now I'm older that when I was going through my insecure teenagery years. I do wear makeup pretty much all the time, but I love getting ready, although now I'm happy to go without, zits and all

You sound like a very strong woman and that's gonna be a wonderful influence on your daughter I think the big thing about confidence is faking it, when you fake it, everyone around you believes it, then when they believe it you believe it? If that makes sense? The wonderful thing about your daughter is she wouldn't care if you had purple skin and big green eyebrows

[zeebs]

I also worry about how my lack of self esteem will affect her, so at the moment it's all pretend & I think that's a good start???

Yes, that's a good start. Behavior has the potential to change thought. Every time you act confident, you make the pathways for acting confident stronger inside your brain. Eventually, the thoughts may follow!

I am obviously not a professional but things that have helped me are meditation (mindfulness meditation, Buddhist meditation - if you Google them you can find podcasts to listen to) and setting aside time for activities where I tell myself I don't have be perfect or perform well or anything -- they're just for me.

Good luck! Glad to have you here.

[clen3k]

I'm strange in a way.

I had truly bad acne in my early 20s (some acne in my teens, but nothing horrible). I used to wear makeup when I was in high school, because it was just what people did. I didn't really have fun with it... I had one foundation, one liner, one lippie. The basics.

Then my skin got really bad (adult cystic acne) and I stopped wearing makeup because I thought it would look grotesque. Only amplifying how ugly I looked.

Then about two-three years ago I got my skin under control. It still have enlarged pores, acne scars, oiliness and an occasional zit, but nowhere as bad as it used to be. Slowly I got back into makeup trying my luck with foundation and liners.

Only in the recent months I've really gotten into makeup - liners, shadows, blush, bronzer, lippies.... the whole shebang. XD I see it as a creative outlet. On some days I'll just wear black liner and clear gloss, but on other I'll spend a whole lot of time creating a new look. It's totally for me. And I love it.

Even my fiance said (when I was feeling bad about how much I spend on makeup) that he loves seeing how happy playing with different colours makes me.

If I go out hiking or biking, I don't need makeup, but I feel a lot more confident wearing something fabulous both make-up and clothing-wise. I love having people look at me!

[sewwies]

Yeah, doing something bold completely changes the way you act and changes the way people see you, it's great cause even if I really don't feel like going out, as soon as I start making up I'm ready! Right there!

[ChristineLynnP]

I'm in the same boat as you. I need make-up to make me face the world out there. I have extremely low self-esteem. My skin is very acneic. It's gotten much, much better in the past year and a half, but I still tend to get nasty hormonal cysts on my jawline. And I obsess over my skin constantly, all day, every day. The more it clears up the more I see that I really do have scarring on my cheeks that the acne used to hide. And even though my cheeks are relatively blemish-free now, when I wear MMU, it seems to make them all the more obvious, like I have acne there even when I don't. I'm convinced it's all people notice when they look at me, even if that isn't really the case. I seem to remember that although my skin has always been bad, I didn't always obsess like this, but these past few years I just can't shake it. I feel so self-conscious all the time because of my skin too. I recently got a gym membership that I haven't used yet, because I'm really freaking over washing my make-up off after work to hit the gym. Ugh. How sad is that?

[Silverfern]

I wear makeup for many reasons. So I'd like to share them

I am an artist, a painter. So putting it on is like painting a canvas everyday. I get to wear my creations outside and around people. I like the process of applying paint to a canvas and to my face. It's relaxing and a peaceful way to start the day.

I sometimes don't sleep much so I can cover that up with makeup and not have people know I'm tired. I feel bad for guys who have their mental state written all over their faces.

I look a bit young. So depending on whats going on that day, I can make people think I'm older, if I want to.

I had a lot of depressing things happen last year, so to get myself up and out of the door for a few months, I used the ritual of applying makeup to put myself into a mindset to go at the day. It really helped, as lame as that might sound.

[karen]

You are off to a good start! SN came just shortly after a dark period in my life- and in a lot of ways it saved me. The way I look at it is if all it takes is a new lip gloss or a tiny bit of harmless powder to feel better- pass the lip gloss. Makeup should be fun, and being able to throw your shoulders back and hold your chin up is fun. It's not the be-all-end-all sure fire cure, but every little bit helps.

But, don't be afraid to seek out some additional resources. There are a lot of free or very inexpensive resources in a lot of communities. Heck, even sitting in at an Alanon meeting could be beneficial. I know you didn't mention drinking, but I've found it to be good for helping people to cope with what happens to them as a result of someone else's actions.

[zeebs]

But, don't be afraid to seek out some additional resources. There are a lot of free or very inexpensive resources in a lot of communities. Heck, even sitting in at an Alanon meeting could be beneficial. I know you didn't mention drinking, but I've found it to be good for helping people to cope with what happens to them as a result of someone else's actions.

This is good advice. There are also Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings and a few other support groups that welcome people with all kinds of concerns.

[lilychemgirl]

Oh I don't think we are all confident and accepting of ourselves, I think that if you have a makeup collection/hobby like most of the women here then it is not all about cover up (if that were the intended result you would only need one neutral eyeshadow, one natural blush, foundation, concealer, one lip gloss - I have literally hundreds of eyeshadows in every colour of the rainbow, lol ) but that doesn't mean that you necessarily have the best self esteem in the world!

That sort of abuse, particularly as a child is obviously going to have a huge effect on how you view yourself, and I think that even asking these questions, and being aware of the effects of this sort of thing on your daughter you're doing great

I don't talk about this stuff much, but I had quite a serious eating disorder combined with anxiety and depression before I had my first dd, having her to think about really helped in my recovery, in some ways it is easier to do something for your child than for yourself. Also, when I had her I realised that my body was not just there for show, if you know what I mean I could nourish and carry this beautiful wonderful little person. That's pretty cool IMO.

You also need to remember that no matter how crappy you feel about yourself, the way you look etc. she thinks you are the most wonderful amazing beautiful person in the world

And yeah, the SN board is pretty much the loveliest most supportive haven in the net